I want to be a child.

Pure, innocent, and full of the joy of hopscotch.
Brave enough to swallow chewing gum, and with abounding faithfulness.

But I also want to be a man.
Able and caring.
Wise, strong, reliable, loving and humble. Good at building things too.

Mark 10:15
1 Corinthians 14:20

Sometimes I can see how much work I must be for God. I really want to go where he takes me. I really want to be who he makes me.

Ricky's Atheism

Just thoughts on Ricky's atheism. As shown in this article...

http://blogs.wsj.com/speakeasy/2010/12/19/a-holiday-message-from-ricky-gervais-why-im-an-atheist/


"People who believe in God don’t need proof of his existence, and they certainly don’t want evidence to the contrary."

Yes people of faith do need and want proof. Its just not the same as the proof Ricky looks for. We often first find proof for God in our experiences and then we go on to find more tangible stuff like evidence of the bible and for the things it talks about in history.

People of faith don't often look for evidence against God because what they already know has been enough for them to look for God and if they have found Him, you can't really deny it. Just like you can't deny any other person you find.

"I don’t believe in God because there is absolutely no scientific evidence for his existence and from what I’ve heard the very definition is a logical impossibility in this known universe."

Science doesn't offer a well-rounded view of the world. No you won't find much scientific evidence for God, neither will you find evidence for love, self-sacrifice and grace.

Science is one (very useful) way of analyzing our world, but it can't be used as a measure for all things as though ALL things in the world are scientific. All things may have scientific aspects, but if an object has qualities outside of science, you won't be able to see them if you use science as your only measure.

For instance, you could know my white blood cell count, my height, weight, date of birth and allergies, but you would have no clue of my favourite colour, my childhood experiences and my aspirations or dreams.

Science would be good at compartmentalising and naming many things about me, but it couldn't evaluate anything of my personality and my nature. Same with God.

"...Science seeks the truth."

Science is not the only practice that seeks truth. At the core of all major categories of education is the search for truth. Truth in medicine, philosophy, theology, anthropology etc. Science or physics isn't this one magical category looking for truth, and its not the only one that HAS truth.

The conviction about whether there is or isn't a God all seems to come down to what you as a person experience, and how you react to your experiences. When Ricky was a kid he was made to feel a fool for believing in God and enjoying it. Being in the minority of belief didn't help, so he opted out. He became convinced that it was just another fairy tale, except this biblical fairy tale had a really poor moral, basically that the whole thing was a sham, as far as Ricky could tell.
This experience Ricky had as a kid was clearly enough for him to start building his worldview around the idea that there is no God, and if that's what you're looking for, if that's the worldview you're predisposed towards, then its very likely that's what you're going to end up finding.

Gifts of 'truth, science and nature' that Ricky says he experienced in his new atheism are something most Christians also experience.

"How come you aren't brainwashed?" is a pretty cynical interpretation of "Why don't you believe in God?"
Doesn't it depend who's asking and who's answering and like a million other things?

Ricky's right about forgiveness, its not just a Christian virtue. It's a true virtue, wherever you find it. That virtue belongs wholly to God. It is true, and it is God's truth, He owns it, no matter who runs around claiming it, whether its Ricky Gervais or some lad named John.

According to Ricky, his reward is here and now and, in part, so is ours if we seek it. Amen.

Joseph at Christmas and Easter

Just the other day I found out that the guy that took Jesus down from the cross and put him in the tomb was called Joseph. So Jesus 'father' was Joseph as well. I don't know if this means anything or if there's anything cool/interesting going on here, that there's a Joseph with Jesus when he was born and another Joseph when he died but I'm curious as.
Just seems like the Bible is too awesome to have a 'coincidence' like this and it not mean anything, but I've never even noticed it before!


Also Psalm 25 is really awesome. It has recently brought me relief and encouragement so I wanted to share it. So check it out!

what's been breathing into me these days

Alan Alda's autobiography
Why do I love art?
Jon Foreman
Leonard Cohen and my theories on getting old
Rob Bell
My Dad
Thoughts on mental health and schizophrenia
Guitar and hand-throat coordination
Jesus loving me. Reading his parables

Captcha creativity

You know those word verification things you have to enter sometimes?
Isn't it awesome when they say something really cool. Like, "Winglace" for example?
Beautiful.

Reading

The best thing about reading the in the garden is all the bugs that come and join in.
Seriously ants just chillin on the page.

Life

All the colours are calling for my eyes!
All the wind for my jackets!
All the grass for my feet!
All the stories for my ears!
And all the sun for my back!


Yours too!

Community as

Had community links yesterday and man the weather was awesome. Its always good times chillin in the van and having good lols and chats.
Lance drove us all the way out to Coatesville to pick up a living room set up or something. But there was totally no one home so we waited in their driveway for like half an hour while Lance texted Jan to try and figure it all out. But it was all good because radio Rhema was running a special show about Cliff Richard.

So in the end we left with nothing!

So basically me and Lance drove out to Coatesville to listen to Cliff in someone's driveway. I think we should always aim to be original in how we chill.


Thanks Saskia for the sweet Cliff Richard video clip! lol.

Out of sight, out of hands

I am so grateful for the things I cannot control.

These things I trust to Someone greater than me.

I am not allowed to worry about these things.



...Hey I just thought of something, in the first line, replace 'the things I cannot control', with something major in your life you try hard to control.

Then in the second and third lines replace 'These things' with that thing you are trying to control...

That is a blessing to me. I hope it is to you.

The sun was nice today

Today some cool stuff happened. I saw two old maori dudes greet each other with a casual hongi in town. And later on the radio I heard someone call in and then be really stoked when they won a prize, they were so happy it was awesome. It reminded me of watching 'What Now' as a kid and knowing the answers but being too scared to call in.
Haha. Jason Gunn.

Today I realised how nice my co workers are! Especially Santosh!
It was like book appreciation day when at work Susan bought some second hand books during some downtime and she got a really really old Christian book called 'Practical and Perplexing Questions Answered.' I really want to read it. I bet the answers are hilarious.

HAPPY BDAY HAN <3

Yesterday

It was  so awesomely summery!


It felt so good!


I miss it already.

King Solomon

A man of many wives
shows us that it is much easier to speak wisdom
than it is to be wise.

Psalmthing psalmone said

Oh God please hear me.
I'm so empty.
I serve you and trust you to protect and cover me,
because thats who you are and who I am.
You hold nothing against people like me who call out to you,
your love for us is so full, so persistent and so far reaching.
I need that mercy.

In my troubles I call out to you because this mercy and that love,
all that comes from you.
You are the answer my call receives.
In all philosophy and ideas and people and altruism,
there's nothing and no one that does what you do,
or could be who you are.
All these things break in comparison.
Because you aren't only 'the answer.'
And much more than your great deeds is your personality.
You're it.

Show me your way so that I can see.
Make me see your way, so that I can walk it.
Don't let my mind be split, let me be wholehearted in seeking you.
Your truth is truth, so I will be grateful.
I will praise you!
Because you have saved me from such lowness that I cannot describe.

People, systems, philosophies and my own personal short-comings
hunt me down and want to take advantage of me in my weakness.

May your compassion be my example.
May your goodness be something living and growing in me,
that is in everything I do... something that cannot be hidden.

So that even when I break, people see my heart and have a glimpse
of goodness that is yours and are made aware of the truth,
and the enduring good of your substance.
Because in whatever happens,
I know your comfort is reliable
and goes before me,
as much as it is with me now,
and as much as it has held me before, there you are.

Three Things

Our town hall is beautiful in the afternoon.
The automatic folding machine at work sounds like its saying "come on, Rodney." It said this thousands of times today!
The moon was sweet this evening, dull and pinky just after sunset.

Some stuff I can remember from this week

New babies, a three-legged blind cat, cool photos, bus rides, casey and ben affleck and sneezing. Too much sneezing.

When you sneeze and your lip splits? Oh that sucks.

Texting in the morning

Me: How's your new korg?

Ben: Its good. Still hardly know how to use it but its already potenching hard.


I don't know why. This just made me happy.

Addicted to cozyyyyyyyyy

I really love coziness. I wanted to wear my dressing gown to the trivia night tonight, but Lydia said I probably shouldn't.

Instead I wore Han's puffy jacket later on. Thanks Han!

Dog is God backwardz

Last week I saw this guy walking his dog, he walked past me. He looked so genuinely happy! It was great.

Then he walked past me again and was in front of me and I noticed that he wasn't using the leash, he had just left the leash resting on the dogs back. And it got me thinking that the most fun way for someone to walk their dog is probably without a leash, just enjoyin' trusting your dog pal to stay by your side because he/she wants to be there.

Then it made me think that this probably isn't too different from us and God. Like people argue about whether we have freewill or if God predestines us and I reckon this guy and his dog have the answer.

Sure the leash is there, but God wants to walk WITH us, not walk us.

What I get a bang out of

In Catcher in the Rye the main guy wears a red hunting hat. He says 'I got a real bang out of that hat.' And so this blog is just for me to document things I get a bang out of.

God is showing me how I fall short and it is good. Today I had a good conversation with Ben. I say yes to too many people and too many things in my life and then I sit back and watch it all clash! Sometimes. Then I don't end up getting things done that I want to do and that I need to do. Totally unfair of me to do that to my pals! So I'm learning.

A couple of days ago a cool thing happened. I was sort of about to go out. I usually try to spend some quiet time with God in the morning. But I hadn't. I had just enough time to either eat (and I was hungry) or do something about feeling stressed. I can't remember exactly what i was stressed about. But far out. I just sat with God in the measly spare time i gave him and as it worked out there was just a small section of a chapter left from where i last read, so God was totally prepared for only having a few moments of my undivided attention and he used it and gave me answers and comfort.

He is so cool. It always amazes me how he will speak to me in ways that just work with my soul. Sometimes he's a mystery, but sometimes he sorts you out. He's sorting me out.

The Swell Season

I went to see Swell Season recently, the lovely duo from the film Once!

It was amazing! I wish I could have shared the evening with all my friends!

Made me so speechless. I had to digest the evening over the next couple of days.

Here are some words:
authentic, honest, raw, warm, 'old and favourite' (like an old hoody or slippers), woody, intimate, sharing, grateful.

When I bought the CD 'The Swell Season' after having seen Once, I got tired of it after a month or two, cos it was just too depressing. So I wasn't sure what to expect. But it was such a deeply loving atmosphere, seeing them live. It took away any depressing feelings.

The songs are about such broken relationships and personal trouble, but seeing Glen and Marketa singing together was exactly the opposite. You could feel the intimate trust between them, just in the way their voices and instruments were synched in every possible way! So contrasted to the brokenness of the songs.
Their voices were so nice together! They were so on the same page in their performance, you could tell they had known each other for years, just from how they sounded.

And Glen was the man. The first song was Say It To Me Now which he plays when busking in beginning of the film. And on the night he just walked to front of stage and started playing, no mics or anything. The same holey guitar from the film, too. So raw and powerful. But at the same time just humble.

Some songs he would say thanks two or three times, you could tell he really was grateful to be playing music for a living and that he acknowledged that as a gift.

Him and Marketa had chilled at Waiheke for the day and met a lady who I think works for Greenpeace and Marketa dedicated a song to her saying "I hope you recognise what a hero you have living here."

At one point of the evening Glen gave his violinist some time to play his own solo stuff. I thought this was beautiful. Glen didn't have to do that. And people paid to see the Swell Season, but he was just like "Thanks for coming, here's a friend of mine who loves music, too, and I think its beautiful. Have a listen."
Just cool to see music friends supporting each other in a humble way, even on world tours.

The most touching part of the night was when Glen got the audience to sing along (which sounded surprisingly good!) and this happened a couple of times, but at the end they played an old Irish song that was written in like the 1600s and was sung at wakes. It was written from the perspective of the dead, saying things like "I'm sorry for the things I've done wrong" "Thank you, my friends, for sticking by me." "I would raise a glass to you if I was alive" and the last refrain Glen got the audience to keep repeating. The last couple of times we repeated it Glen was like, "Again, again, without regrets, without shame. No guilt." And I was like "WHOA!" where did THAT come from?!
It was awesome. Like, I don't know what he believes about God or whatever, but to me it just showed he had an understanding of the human condition and it was just such an amazing thing to say, with no context just telling people to be free. It was really beautiful.
And so the song finished on Glen's cue as he bowed his head, as the audience sung the final lines. Which I think was really cool, to let us participate, and to let us even finish a song. We thought we were the guests, privileged to come see The Swell Season, but in those last few lines, he somehow shifted the focus and it wasn't even about a performance anymore, I don't think.

Then for the encore Marketa played The Hill and then Glen came back out and they played Falling Slowly. Then I think she played If You Want Me.
They played some tracks from their newest album which I still don't own, and hadn't heard anything from till I saw them live. I really liked Low Rising and I Have Loved You Wrong (for this one the last bit where its just singing was sooooo lovely).

A really great night! Wish you could have been there.